- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
When the music fades..
This week has been wow. Hard. It has been full of so much stuff.. I can't even think about it. And honestly.. i haven't thought about it at all since I gave it up. But in not thinking about it.. a part of me feels like I've been ignoring God and not worshiping Him through the hard parts. I know I did when it first happened. And its better, the hardness but I also know its not over. It doesn't matter its not over though.. God has it and God has me and I love Him. So life is good. Life is full of blessings of being His.
Then why in the world did I forget, for about three days, that through all hard stuff and the calm before the storm arises again, that I need to worship. I've just had fun and I didn't do anything spiritually. I don't know how I feel about that. If I love God, a crazy love, then why am I not thinking about Him everyday like I do about my really close friends? Did I momentarily forget that God is the only thing that matters? I don't think I did.
I don't care what I've thought the past few days. I'm going to thank God now. Even if I forgot Him. I'm going to thank God for friends. For love. For family. For relationships. For promises. For comfort. For laughter. For hope. For salvation. For music.
I mess up, by choosing, and by choosing to not do anything. I don't want to count this as a mess up. But I don't want to excuse my 'forgetting' God. I think my hard thing I went through was tough. It still is. And I'm just recuperating from it. By not thinking. Not doing. But just being. Just laughing.
God is still God despite my choices in life. He is God and deserves worship. I don't like forgetting Him. I don't want to come to Him out of obligation but because I love Him and I want Him. I don't want to forget so I'll remind myself this.