You.

Today:

I have been ungrateful.

I have complained doing simple work.

I have not rested in God.

I have not given it back to God.

Things I realized:

~I don't want to be the girl looking at the clock and waiting for a phone call. I enjoy talking on the phone, but I don't want it to be a priority, but a treat. Today I didn't deserve a treat. I've done nothing, and I've been rude and not acting like Christ, haven't even really honestly tried. I could if I wanted to. I just don't really want to.. which is why I am in this blah mood. Because I've been lazy and haven't done anything with Christ's attitude.

~I should still praise God for being Him and loving me and being my God when I don't act right. When I ignore what I should be doing. When I become lazy. When I dwell on crap and when I put otherthings before Him.

Because He still chose me. Through alllllll of my stupidity. Through all of my not wanting to follow Him. He chose me. When a milllllion of other days, I could be doing the right thing and he could choose me then, He chose me today. On my bad day. As well as those good days. I should still work for His Glory on my bad days. Because many people can be good on good days, and follow God on good days. But its on the bad days that counts, its the bad days when people see you get up and choose to follow Him.

God, I choose to follow you. Today. On my bad day. Without comfort from people. Without peace. Without feeling. Because You deserve it and I never do. Because you love me when I choose not to love You. Just because You are You.

Dreamer Part one.

Chapter One.

"Time passed. Then Ordinary woke up with these words echoing through his mind: What you are missing you already have.." Could it be? Ordinary looked and looked. And then he discovered that in a small corner of his heart lay a Big Dream. The Big Dream told him that he, a Nobody, was made to me a Somebody and destined to achieve Great Things."

When I really look at this paragraph all I can think of is that The Dream Giver (Jesus) has a plan for my life and the "Great Things" I am made to achieve are anything everything that I do for the Honor and Glory of God. Which could be saying hello to a friend. Or doing a chore without asking. Or serving in an area of life that I don't like to serve in. But I also think that I am made for something bigger. Something I can't even imagine because it's so big.

And I think my dream is to own a Coffee Shop or be a missionary.. my own business.. or traveling to other places showing God's Love. I don't even know how both came up as a solid "Dream". My graduation was coming closer and closer and I felt like I had to choose what I wanted to do. I didn't want to go into college without an idea as to what I want to do for a living. I already had two things I loved to do.. Coffee, and missioning. But those two seem soooo major opposites on the occupation list that I'd have to choose between two different schools.

Now which college?

I'm not exactly sure if I want to go to a Masters Commission or Community College. Either would work.. and I'd be doing something I love.. but is it really my dream?

"After a while, Ordinary began to worry that maybe he hadn't received a Big Dream.. Maybe he'd just made it all up."

I had this question asked to me after I stated my doubt of whether it's something I wanted to do or if I just came up with it because I felt pressured: "Who do you think put it in your mind?" I laughed like I was stupid. The Dream Giver of course. Even if it feels like a Small Dream right now.. insignificant honestly. If I don't put the Dream Giver into my dream.. of course it wont be Big!

If I put the Dream Giver into my coffee shop.. it could be so big! It could grow into one of the biggest Christian hangouts where new bands could get their music out so that their ministry can reach nonchristians. It could grow into a Big smalltown safe haven for young teenagers from a stressful school day or a family who puts restrictions on them that don't make sense. It would have insightful and inspiring notes from the bible and pastors around the world which if someone read.. could change the outcome of their day completely! And I'd be fulfilling my Ultimate Dream. To do everything until the Glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31. Plus some coffee of course. But really. If I put the Dream Giver into my life.. my life will be the Big Dream in my heart and I can do anything!

" Father' said Ordinary, 'I'm growing sadder by the day. I don't like my Usual Job anymore. In fact, I think I hate it'. Father looked up. That is terrible! What happened?'. Before he could stop himself, Ordinary started talking about the Dream giver and about his Big Dream. ' I was made to be a Somebody and achieve Great Things!' He said. And then he told his Father the name of his Big Dream. As he spoke, his voice trembled. He was sure that his Father would laugh or call him a fool. But his Father didn't. 'I'm not surprised to hear you say these things,' he said. 'You're not?' said Ordinary. 'No,' his Father said. ' You've had that Dream ever since you were little. Don't you remember? You used to build that same dream with sticks and mud in the from of this very house.' Then Ordinary did remember. He'd always had his Dream! It was what he wanted to do, and what he'd always thought he'd be good at doing. His eyes filled with tears. 'Father,' he said, ' I think I was born to do this.'

I think I would be good at owning a business. Especially a coffee shop. Ever since I've read the book A Delirious Summer I loved the idea of a coffee shop that was dedicated to Jesus. In the book it was a mission and everything they earned went to God. It wasn't a profit based business. Someday.. I want to do that.

"Time passed. Ordinary worked hard on his plan to begin his Dream. He made hard choices. He made difficult changed. He even made big sacrifices. Finally, one morning, he was ready. Ordinary ran to his Usual Job, his Dream pounding hard in his chest. As soon as he saw Best Friend, Ordinary blurted our the news: 'That big Dream I told you about.. I've decided to pursue it!'. Best Friend looked concerned. ' You know as well as I do that Nobodies who pursue their dreams leave Familiar,' he said. 'They set off like fools into the Unknown, in search of a place where--' 'Yes, yes, I know!' Ordinary broke in, ' and I can't wait to get started!' 'But Ordinary, that journey is anything but sensible or safe. Why leave Familiar? It's so comfortable here. And besides, you've always lived here.' 'I've thought about all that, too,' said Ordinary. 'But my Big Dream is too important and too wonderful to miss.' Best Friend shook his head.'So you're going to become a Dreamer,' he said. 'I am a Dreamer!' answered Ordinary. ' Today I'm going to tell my Boss that I'm leaving my Usual Job. Tomorrow I will begin my journey. Hey, Best Friend,' added Ordinary eagerly, 'you can have my recliner and my box!' And with that, Ordinary walked away, humming a tune that he's never heard before."

My Ultimate Dream is to do everything for the Glory of God. I love coffee and I love missioning. So I am going to pursue it with all I have.

Dreamer Introduction.

I am reading this book called the Dream Giver. My mom has owned it for years and has loved it. It is one of her favorite personal motivators and reminders that she has a dream that the Dream Giver has personally placed in her life. She just has to chose to chase it; and she is.

I read half of the book today just trying to get this funky feeling off of my spirit. I prayed and it went away but I still desire to grow closer to God and He is calling me.. but I realize I have become so lost and confused as to what He is personally calling me to and what other people say God is calling my generation to.

I am going to reread the first chapter tonight and post what I am learning from it on here so I have an account of my growth when I don't see it... and so you have an account of God's movement in me so you can specifically pray for me about what you believe God is wanting me to know. I don't know exactly how I will put everything on here, but I'll answer some of the questions that a book study usually asks and write down God's revelations to me.

I am also praying that God changes me so much that Nobodies and Anybodies can see a major difference in me and choose to do the same thing for His glory.

My name is Mallory and I am a Somebody, choosing to chase and fight for my Big Dream that the Dream Giver has sent me.

Gift.

I don't remember where I heard this message spoken so basically, like speaking to a child, or who spoke it, but this time it really hit home for me in a deeper, more wowing way.

My salvation is a gift.

And when I get to heaven, I'm going to be standing in front of my God... the God who created me, who knew me before I was born, who created the universe, who loves me, who keeps me breathing, who split the red sea, who came to earth, who died and rose alive again three days later... to be judged according to my life lived on earth. Wether it was lived for God or lived for my own personal gain. I will be judged. I will kneel before Him. I will proclaim that He is Lord.

He will open a book full of my life's story and read it to me. Every action. Every thought. Every moment. Read aloud for everyone. This wont be a fun story to listen to like when your daddy tells you a bedtime story. This is the God of the universe, telling you your life and asking why you didn't live for Him fully all the time.

And we'll say I don't know.. I just didn't. I didn't want to, I was scared, I was tired, I was blah blah blah. And then He'll show you all the sins you committed and it will add to so much that you will want to faint because the amount of sins you committed. It doesn't even matter what good you did.. it wont add up compared to your sins to receiving the stamp of approval into heaven. There will be too many sins you did commit. And the penalty of even one sin is death. We can't get into heaven on our own.

That doesn't sound good, does it?

But.. thank God for buts, but then I believe that Jesus will hand God the Book of Life and then God will read the names off the book of those who realized that they couldn't earn their way to heaven and accepted the gift of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. And those people who's names are in that book will be accepted into heaven because they chose to live for Jesus and even though they sinned, they got back up and tried again; to live for God.

What I am picturing right now in my head is myself and everyone else I know kneeling before the almighty God on his throne, with my head hanging low because I know I sinned and I can't do anything to fix it. I deserved to go to Hell. But then, I feel Jesus hand on my shoulder and I look at Him and he has a Book. He gives it to God and God reads my name out loud. Jesus paid my price to live for eternity. He paid allllll of it. He paid for me! Wow.. I'm can just see, I'm speechless. I am speechless now. He has paid for me. When I didn't deserve it. I never deserved it. But He loves me and He paid it. All of it. I don't have to worry. I just have to get up and live for Him, walking towards our eternal goal. Heaven.