About Me

My photo
I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.


BINGBINGBINGBING: attitude check!

Today has been hard. I've been really trying this week, especially since I've had my last emotional break down on my mother and best friend, and I don't feel successful at all today. In any area.

My mind.
My attitude.
My emotions.
My job.
My confidence..


And today I've been really slow.

I know there are days that I will fail, but in choosing confidence for my one word, I have to physically, emotionally and spiritually choose (more like force myself) to be confident and not discouraged.

What I'm working on are not easy things to change. But things I know that only God can change in me because I know if I tried to on my own, man.. I'd fail miserably. And He can only change me if I'm honestly willing to let Him do so. And lately I've not been willing.

So my prayers are "God.. please change my attitude towards (enter area of life that currently sucks here) because I know it's not right and I want to be better".

So far, this week I've mostly been working on my attitude at work. I've found myself in a habit of being negative whenever dealing with an irritable customer. If I'm doing something on the sales floor and that stupid annoying bell is hit numerous times rung, I have to practically sprint up the aisle to take care of that annoying,  our regular customer (one that also likes to argue with me and I can't even understand a word they say to begin with) or they become pissy at me. It's also rung like that while I'm standing two feet away from said customer.

Needless to say. It was easy to fall into that rut.

So I'm praying whenever I hear that bell, that God changes my attitude.


One Word


That.. adjective.. is so far from who I think I am. I've never been confident in who I am. In what I decide for myself. In how I live. In what i believe. In my actions. In my words. In my art. In my voice. In my looks. In my relationships. In my family. In my friends. In my job. In my church. In my entire life. 

I've never felt confidence, or when I have felt confidence, it has only been for a second because I have either succeeded at a task or received a compliment for how I handled something. Or just because I was admired..
But then I usually went right back to doubting myself and ultimately, God. I never believe what was told to me.

And that is wrong of me. To not believe I can do and be the best I can be. God made me in His image! Who am I to say I'm not good enough? (Genesis 1:27)

SO, this new year. Instead of making a list of 'new year resolutions' to 'fix myself' (which I never do anyway, new years resolutions I mean).. I'm going to choose to follow the One Word Challenge): mine is to be confident in every area of my life. (I was just searching through blogs online and I found this link to this other blogger's page who followed the challenged to this other blogger's page who followed the challenge.. haha, to the one who started this very personal challenge for herself..)

I once read somewhere, " If it's something I cannot do without God, it is something I know He wants me to do. Because if I didn't need Him to help me, would I really grow to my full potential?"

This is going to be hard. I'm going to fail many times. But I'm going to be confident in 2011.


C'è Una Ragione.

"C'est La Vie"

"It is life"

This been my motto lately. A part of me agrees with it. Yet the other part of me knows that that statement gives me reason to accept that there isn't a purpose as to why everything happens the way it does.

Yes, life does 'just happen' sometimes. But everything has a reason. We may live in an extremely sinful world and we may mess up and choose to look at everything with a distorted view, choose to live in a fun house with all those funky mirrors, choose to create a fake world where we aren't being who we are made to be. But there is always a reason to live. A reason to laugh. A reason to love. A reason to die. A reason to cry. A reason to hate. A reason to sing. A reason to be silent.

There is always a reason for everything. And God uses all of them according to His plan and His purpose.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. 

There is a reason.