- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
I don't remember where I heard this message spoken so basically, like speaking to a child, or who spoke it, but this time it really hit home for me in a deeper, more wowing way.
My salvation is a gift.
And when I get to heaven, I'm going to be standing in front of my God... the God who created me, who knew me before I was born, who created the universe, who loves me, who keeps me breathing, who split the red sea, who came to earth, who died and rose alive again three days later... to be judged according to my life lived on earth. Wether it was lived for God or lived for my own personal gain. I will be judged. I will kneel before Him. I will proclaim that He is Lord.
He will open a book full of my life's story and read it to me. Every action. Every thought. Every moment. Read aloud for everyone. This wont be a fun story to listen to like when your daddy tells you a bedtime story. This is the God of the universe, telling you your life and asking why you didn't live for Him fully all the time.
And we'll say I don't know.. I just didn't. I didn't want to, I was scared, I was tired, I was blah blah blah. And then He'll show you all the sins you committed and it will add to so much that you will want to faint because the amount of sins you committed. It doesn't even matter what good you did.. it wont add up compared to your sins to receiving the stamp of approval into heaven. There will be too many sins you did commit. And the penalty of even one sin is death. We can't get into heaven on our own.
That doesn't sound good, does it?
But.. thank God for buts, but then I believe that Jesus will hand God the Book of Life and then God will read the names off the book of those who realized that they couldn't earn their way to heaven and accepted the gift of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross. And those people who's names are in that book will be accepted into heaven because they chose to live for Jesus and even though they sinned, they got back up and tried again; to live for God.
What I am picturing right now in my head is myself and everyone else I know kneeling before the almighty God on his throne, with my head hanging low because I know I sinned and I can't do anything to fix it. I deserved to go to Hell. But then, I feel Jesus hand on my shoulder and I look at Him and he has a Book. He gives it to God and God reads my name out loud. Jesus paid my price to live for eternity. He paid allllll of it. He paid for me! Wow.. I'm can just see, I'm speechless. I am speechless now. He has paid for me. When I didn't deserve it. I never deserved it. But He loves me and He paid it. All of it. I don't have to worry. I just have to get up and live for Him, walking towards our eternal goal. Heaven.