- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
Unique but not alone.
For the longest of times I always had the thought process that I wasn't growing quickly or changing at all.
I know I am but it sure doesn't seem like it when I compare myself to some other people. I've always felt that whatever I have been through or have done for God or what I've gotten out of doing something for Him.. it wasn't affecting me the way it should or that I'm missing something. And tonight Carlee Harrison explained me and what I feel so accurately.
"I've been blessed to have grown up in a strong christian family. I never drank, never cheated.. I've pretty much been the good girl.. except when I've been mouthy towards my family. Heh. But over all, I've strived for a more on a deeper level with God and its going good. Yes, I'm not perfect, and yes, I grow complacent but.. I'm going good. The thing is, every time there are testimonies going on and being shared, I think to myself.. '.. why I don't have a testimony?' ect ect ect. And when we had the burn service sunday to throw away the crap in our lives that get between God and us. I heard about what everyone was throwing away, and it was all this huge horrible stuff. I thought, I don't have any of that.. and since I didn't really have anything to throw away, I burned something miniscule and not important.. "
That's my heart right there. Coming out of Carlee.
I never knew she and I were as alike as I thought. Or that anyone felt that as well. Then she went on to say the ephiphany God gave her.
"Even though I don't have the horrible crap like some others.. God still grows me. Slowly sometimes.. but He still grows me; continually, and He is always there, when I'm complacent, joyful, sad, whatever. And He puts things in my life, through my family or friends to grow me. But I am growing as much as everyone else. Despite the testimony. My whole walk is my testimony."
I was so, I don't know if relieved is the word, but I was relieved I wasn't alone and I was shocked because someone felt the exact same thing I feel and also explained why she didn't have a testimony like others, and reminded me why I don't have one like the others as well. So I just thank God for showing me that tonight and it just really helped me realize the big important thing I've been confused about and gave me hope;
I may be unique.. but I'm not alone.