- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
More than me.
Sometimes you just are fed up with turning the other cheek; fed up with forgiving over and over and over again; fed up with letting everything and anything hurtful slide off your back. Sometimes you just want to scream back something and not care about that the achy feeling inside you.
I really don't know what to say about this feeling except that it sucks. Every single time I get into an argument with my brother about whatever.. I try my hardest to go back and apologize. I don't like having a bull and red cape relationship with him.
I don't know how to fix it, or even how to ignore it when it hurts for God to fix it. I feel like it just keeps coming back worse and worse. But the thing is.. I've tried giving him his space.. It's like it didn't do squat.
Sigh.. but I know that I need to keep turning the other cheek, keep no record of his wrongs and still love him through the hurt. It's all I can do actually.
Jesus did that for me. And I sinned. I sin. He's hurt by that more than I am hurt by my brothers hurtful words.