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I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.



Coming back off of my post on demons; lately, and I'll be completely honest, I've been attacked a lot. So much that I feel like giving up. But I've been talking to my past small group leader/mentor, another mentor, and my mother.  They are all older, wiser and are helping me through  this time, keep reminding me to be hopeful, not to give up, to trust God, and to not to be hard on myself.. ect ect ect. It is very hard and I've been getting angry and felt despair towards the situation. Especially this week. I've needed more reminders and I have felt that what I am doing isn't working and I've felt more scared, almost hopeless. But today, as I have been praying a lot lately of course, God gave me a song that I'd forgotten. This song is going to remind me constantly why I need to show Joy in dark times. Why I need to strive for God when I can't see good. Why I need to be calm when I want to scream at my siblings. Why I do random acts of kindness... and why, why I praise the God I praise.


The enemy has been defeated
And death couldn't hold You down
We're gonna lift our voice in victory
We're gonna make Your praises loud

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
We lift Your name up
We lift Your name up

... yeah. I thought so. :] 

Anyway, there were also these verses that God gave me through friends and through my personal dive into Him.

 "Keep it up, and don't let anyone intimidate you or silence you. No matter what happens, I'm with you and no one is going to be able to hurt you. You have no idea how many people I have on My side in this city." Acts 18:9 & 10

"...despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." Romans 8:37

"Do not fear, for I am with you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you in My righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10

So, rebuking my doubt, rebuking the fear, rebuking the confusion.. I'm resting in God's hand and shouting victory because that is truly why I have Joy.

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