About Me

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I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.


Transitions and purpose.

Heat, flash thunderstorms, faster lanes, Mexican food, homegroup, volleyball, mosquito bites, late nights, true worship, sincerity...... Lack of focus. I am surrounded by all of these things; God's hand is so evident in my move to TX. I know I am supposed to be here fore a reason. To grow, to live, most of all to become the woman of God He has designed that only experience can mold me into.

What I haven't forced myself to do is get up early to run and have my quiet time. I need that habitual routine in my life; that constant reminder of His love and purpose for my life. His promises continuously falling into my spirit so that my actions of daily life are only a little bit of what His love is truly doing in me.

Half of my summer was that- consistent in His love and I couldn't get enough. Moving down south to Bryan, Texas I feel the heat. My soul is parched for more of Him and I feel so weak to even turn on the water. That is why I am so grateful that He is so faithful and pusposeful in where He places me in life. The homegroup I found is not from the church I saw online. A friend of mine, her cousin lives down here and she invited me to her homegroup to get connected. I fell in love. They are all so sincere about their walk with Christ and their actions and speech exude that with a profound everything. I am in awe of how much God is taking care of me in my anxiety and scattered brain thoughts.

Especially with saying goodbye to my parents. That was hard. I am still shocked I am living in TX. I am 26 hours away from my mother and father. They are what I really miss back in MD. Everything else- they are only a shadow of my feelings. It's my secure family- the knowledge I am always welcome back home no matter what I did or did not do. The faith they had in me- they still have in me halfway across the country. It's overwhelming I cannot crawl back in to their bed and cover up when I am scared or sad or overwhelmed. All I have is my bed. And my new friends Ali, Carly, Jess, and Stacey. But I will always admit there is nothing like your parents bed- the comfort and secure feeling you get when you hide away from life.

But I am here. Trying not to freak out I do not have a job. Trying not to freak out I have $500 worth of debt in my credit card and an almost $200 doctors bill. I want that paid off now so I can start raising some money for school.

Ah.. yes. The reason I wanted to come here. To go to school.  I cannot wait til Fall of next year. I want to study so badly. I want to get my degree. I want to learn. I want to be able to use what God has given me for His glory. I wish I were in school now- I wish it would all be paid off before I even attend so I don't have to worry about student loans or anything. I just want to learn! Sigh.. it is such a hunger in my soul. Both for His word and the written word of our culture and the surrounding cultures. Being stuck working is a pain.

But I am where I am right now for a reason- God will get me to school. It will be paid for and I will be growing and moving in the direction He has for me. I just pray I embrace the future transitions as well I have for this big one of moving out for the first time. I know with Christ I can. I just pray my focus stays on Him. Nothing else. It's so hard though.. especially with all these cute boys around. ;) Haha.. sigh.

I am thankful that God is teaching me patience. I honestly am. When I am ready for a relationship of that stature, it'll be here. As of right now. I'm fighting to be content with the hand I am delt. His love alone. With that I am content. I am secure.

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