- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
How did things become so bad so fast? How did something so innocent become one of the worst things I have done? Why are things becoming so conflicted so easily? Its like a fishing net.. all twisted and knotted just because that stupid boat that floated above it didn't realize it was over a net.. so that when the oar went down.. the net ripped. Instantly tangled.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to act. I don't know who to talk to. I don't know what information I can give to anyone anymore. I'm sick and tired of wanting to cry! I'm sick and tired of crying! I am exhausted and everything keeps blowing up in my face! My relationship blows up with my best friend, another becomes a blessing with my close guy friend. That becomes iffy for a while. Then the blown up relationship is fixed and then my relationship with my mom becomes strangled. My close guy friend and I are good again then it is fixed between my mother and I, now my brother and I are choking?! Not to mention my sister, my brother in law, my father, and my other best friend.
GOD! Will you just quit letting this affect everyone who I care the most about? Why do I feel everything is my fault and I have to fix it! I don't know how to balance my life and stay sane. I don't know who I can trust other than you. I don't know what to say anymore.
I feel so lost. Can you stop the world, I need You.