- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
A new ending.
Step 4: If failure occurs, repeat step 1-3.
Break ups happen. Sometimes they are inevitable. Nate and I went through it unfortunately and fortunately. Throughout the time I that Nate and I were not talking, I grew closer to God and I had more of an opportunity to focus on what God is doing in me. Not my relationship with Nate. I may never the specific reasons as to why Nate and I had to go through those two times where we didn’t talk, but that’s okay because “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55).” But I know for a fact that the two and a half years I spent with Nate, I grew abundantly. And the two times Nate and I stopped talking, I grew so much farther because God had me place everything at His feet and trust Him with my future. Mine and Nate’s two “breaks” were stepping stones that pushed me farther than I can ever imagine. But God promised me, as He promised Nate, that He has us and our relationship in His hands. He is molding us and forming us to be strong so we can bring Him glory. By doing my relationship with Nate this way, I saved my heart from much heartbreak when we split. It still hurt a lot, Nate and I won’t ever have the carefree friendship we had. No, our relationship is much stronger because of it. Our life together is going to be used to bring others hope and promises. Our relationship is a testimony and 30 years down the road when our children ask us about dating, we’ll know exactly what to say because we know it’s not about us or what we do. It’s about our willingness to allow what God wants and desires.
I know that sometimes relationships end completely after “breaks” and “break ups”. And all I can say is no relationship ends perfectly as it was before. It hurts because that person is a real best friend and it will continue to hurt for some time because of all of the time you put into that relationship, only to have it end. But that is okay. Everything will be okay. By focusing on God, becoming the right person, and by loving your boyfriend like God loves us, like I love Nathan, with God’s love instead of handing them our hearts without considering the consequences, we can and will save ourselves a ton of pain. I will always love Nathan, with God’s love, and with the love he deserves as a man of God from the woman he plans to marry. I know that my journey with Nate brought us to a point where this verse “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. (Philippians 1:9-10)” is true and will continue to come true for me. My love will abound more in knowledge and depth that my God, Nathan, and our future children will cherish and praise. All because I allowed God to mold me before I ever decided to becoming a part of something that is a molding of two separate lives. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)”. Within delighting God before everything, He will grant the desires of my heart. (Psalm 37:4 and Psalm145:19). I never desired my relationship with Nathan to go through those tough times. I prayed so hard that we would stay together, that God would protect our friendship. He was my first love. But God knows the plans for me, plans not to harm me but to prosper me. (Jer. 29:11) I took those situations and I learned that I would have been okay if Nate and I did not get back together. The pain I felt through the silence and arguments we had, the joy I felt through the quality time and serving time we spent together, and the relief and praise I felt as we came to an agreement to get back together, that our separations were to grow us closer, were pivotal in my growth as a woman. I will gladly and readily jump forward to where God is calling me and I am thankful that Nate will be by my side and that we placed God before us.
By doing my relationship with Nathan this way, God’s way, I followed God’s will and I will continue to live this out, holy and God will continue to bless us and grow us even closer more than we can ever imagine. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-7)”