- I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.
I know life is full of them. I've been through many of them so far in my almost 19 years of living; birth, two numbered age, teenage years, moving to texas, moving from texas, break of a close friendship, graduating highschool, beginning a courtship, getting a car, getting a job, a long distance courtship begins, going to school, getting a second job and accepting a leading position in a church. Wow. Next up I'll be married with twins on the way and I'll be moving out of country to a remote place only to survive on bananas which I'm allergic to and with little to none college experience and make money by beading necklaces! (Only God really knows, but hey, it could happen). Sigh. Transitions are hard. I really don't know how I should be handling them. I'm scared. And the transition I am in right now has me feeling as I am standing alone. My playmate, my best friend, my future spouse.. is away. God currently has him working away from me. Which is probably good to an extent otherwise in the words of Ray Blackston we could become the Couple Who Could Not Wait. But, he is away. Little communication available for us and then he comes back to an extremely busy year of school and paying off a possible loan. And I'll still feel physically alone. I'll be beginning my new job as a Certified Nurses Assistant opening possible doors for my future at a hospital if I even needed to work for money later on in life instead of the unknown ministry God is planning for my husband and I to work together. All of this is the immediate transitions. What am I doing in my communicating with God about all of my life and what He's doing with it? Welll, I communicated about monies and what and how He could help me pay off the 700 dollar debt the IRS put me in. He blessed me greatly. I'm still humbled. I communicated with Him about the perpetual waiting I am in, realizing it isn't so perpetual and sneaking up on me very quickly. I could be married. Next. Year. That is scary. And exciting because I'll be starting a new transition and with my best friend. Fully able to start life, share fears, and allowed to experience the joys and bliss of married life along with the hardships and trials. But mostly for the first few months, the joys and bliss. But it's scary. I'm currently 18. Not that age matters. I've told God that often, and I have prayed that I could start early so I could live to my fullest with my husband and do whatever God has us do. And here he is! My future. Patiently waiting at camp cleaning kitchen pots and watching over bouncy kids all summer long. But I don't know, I'll be 19 soon. Almost 20. What am I doing? I'm working retail, going to college part-part-time (one class maybe two), and waiting on God and my husband to be. In retail, I know I am helping a little, one of my supervisors have been needed some love and compassion. She's been needing God and I'm praying that she fully sees Him soon! And I know if I wasn't there, God couldn't use me to help her. Sigh. Transitions. I see so many of my friends and family helping others in ways that are really good! God is growing everyone so much and in great ways. I feel left out. But then I was just offered this position as the Middle School Drama Team Leader. Wow. God is there where I can lead now? Grow now? Is there where you want me? I decided to take the position and if is it truly where God wants me, I'll learn as much as He wants me to and then He'll move me. If it isn't where God wants me, it is an open door that He'll move me through, I'll grow, and He'll move me out. Either way, I'll be growing and I'm trusting God to move me. Hmm... Transitions.