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I am far from perfect. I fear a lot of things; most realistic, yet all irrational because the only thing I should truly fear is God. I find myself fearing the little things and being afraid of God. I fall every day: I have cursed, I have judged, I have neglected to do God's Will, I have put my foot in my mouth countless times and I have given up. It is obvious that I cannot live life on my own. It is utterly impossible. I am dependent. I am needy. I am selfish. I am sinful. I am human.. However, the most important thing about me; I am forgiven.


"All things work together for my good"

I haven't truly felt peace in a long time. I haven't truly been pushing myself academically. I haven't truly been diligent in my health. I haven't truly been wise with my spending. I haven't truly been cautious of my speed while driving. I haven't truly been working as hard as I used to. I haven't truly given my all. I haven't truly given up and let go of what I desire so I could have a holier desire. I haven't truly been serving God..

I've realized over the past two weeks that I've been only giving half heartedly of myself. I've been pathetic, I've been selfish, and I've been lazy.

And it's all because I haven't been truly serving God.

I know who I worship. God is the GOD of everything. Who am i to not worship Him? But worshiping and serving a two different things. Yet they cannot be separated. They are whole and together, yet totally unique and you have to choose to do either one. 

I've been recently doing a devotion on idols. It's a really great study if you want to look it up. It's written by Kelly Minter for women. "No other gods: confronting our modern day idols"

And this devotion, surprisingly has been applying to my life and pushing buttons in my walk, that I didn't know I had. Buttons I've placed there. Yeah, how that works, I have no idea. But anyway, this devotion is brining me to my knees and standing me up at the same time. It's tearing me down and giving me life. And really it's not the devotion, it's God using His word and this woman's personal experience to help me through my own desert.
It's truly amazing so far. I'm not sure how personal I'll get with you about it just yet, but one day I might post about something God shows me. Until then, just know I am being changed in such a way that I am exhilarated and peaceful and overflowing with joy. It's painful because I'm letting go of idols I've created. Out of good things, not of wood or clay or gold like back in the day with the Israelites. But of things I've placed before God, priority wise.

Throughout all this, I can see and feel already where my attitude has changed, where it should continue to change, where I have more peace, where I need more peace, where I have patience, where I need more patience. So many things!

I  have this song stuck in my head "And all things work together for my good.."


My good. Like, my good! That's flabbergasting to me right now. All things work together for MY good. ALL things. For my good. That's what God is saying. Everything. Waiting, deserts, chiseling, crying, laughing, working, money issues, health issues, speeding tickets (or warnings).. ALL of it is for my good.

I have plans, desires, hopes, and dreams. For example: I wouldn't think that this much waiting would work for my good. It's the exact opposite of what I want and how most relationships work.


It all works for my good. Wow! That is just amazing to me right now. I dunno.. I'm happy. I'm growing. I'm excited. I'm patient. I'm good. I'm really really good.. sigh.

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